What Makes a Marriage Distinctively Christian?

Many elements mark a distinctively Christian marriage but two essential factors that must be considered are a unique purpose and a different kind of love. These characteristics are not merely human efforts but are grounded in the transforming grace of God.

  1. A Unique Purpose in Marriage

    In today’s world, many people marry for self-centred reasons, such as companionship, economic benefits, or escaping difficult situations. At the core of these motivations is often a self-serving attitude. This self-centred approach typically results in two individuals trying to negotiate benefits for themselves within the marriage.

    However, Christian marriage is called to a higher purpose. Psalm 34:3 captures this purpose beautifully: “Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!” When couples focus their marriage on exalting and glorifying God together, their relationship becomes a vessel through which others can witness the aroma of Christ. This transformation allows the marriage to demonstrate the gospel to the world, showcasing God’s grace, compassion, and forgiveness.

    Understanding this purpose reshapes the marriage dynamic. As Paul Tripp notes, “We were made to live upward and outward, but most of us live inward. When we can quit living inward and start living upward and outward, life changes.” By living upward and outward, couples align their marriage with God’s greater purpose, moving beyond self-centeredness.


  2. A Different Kind of Love

    Christian love is fundamentally different from worldly love. It begins with a God-centered focus rather than a self-centred one, emphasizing self-sacrifice over self-serving. Philippians 2:1-4 illustrates this distinct love:

    “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

    This kind of love is patient, kind, not envious, boastful, arrogant, or rude. It does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth, bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

    Moreover, Christian love is characterized by forgiveness. Ephesians 4:26-27 warns against holding onto anger, which gives the devil an opportunity. Verse 32 further instructs, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christian love, reflecting the forgiveness received from Christ.

    Finally, this love is controlled by the Spirit rather than the flesh. It is impossible to consistently exhibit this kind of love through human effort alone. Only through the Holy Spirit’s transformative work can individuals regard their spouse as more important than themselves, forgive as God forgives, and love with patience and kindness.

The Transforming Grace of God

The unique purpose and different kind of love in a Christian marriage are not human achievements but are made possible through the transforming grace of God. When couples experience this transformation, their relationships reflect the fragrance of Christ, making a noticeable difference to the materially focused world.

As 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 states, “But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.” This aroma of Christ is evident in homes and marriages transformed by Him.

In conclusion, a marriage that glorifies God and exhibits Christ-like love is distinctly Christian. By focusing on exalting God together and practicing self-sacrificing love, couples can create a marriage that reflects the gospel to a watching world. Through the transforming grace of God, such marriages can truly embody the fragrance of Christ.